schedules and planning

As expected, life with a new one (yes, I had a beautiful baby girl…and I’ll tell that story one day, when I’m ready…and hopefully healed. Physically. In the end I got a healthy baby and that is what I was after and for me that’s good enough. but that may need to be a password protected post!) is insane and on top of that Hubs inherited more work (they call it a promotion but I call BS on that)

I need suggestions! Hubs leaves at 6 am and arrives home on a fairly consistent basis at 9:10pm. Harriet will NOT sleep unless daddy is home. We’ev tried coming up with something better schedule wise for him, but he must work until X time and the ferry runs only at Y time, etc. In addition, Polly is still a newbie, so she cluster feeds all.evening.long. (from roughly7:30-11) And H absolutely must have a bath every night, for medication/skin purposes. Makes things really complicated.

We slacked BIG TIME over the last few months in the dietary department for H, and we are attempting to get back on track. I’m planning on starting once a month mom’s whole foods menu in May, but I’m wondering what you all do in terms of meal planning and recipe storage, etc. I’m looking for everything in your arsenal. The good part of living on a small island is that I can’t resort to takeout every night. There are a few decent places but they aren’t anything H likes and I don’t want to be eating out every night anyway.

so please, send me your ideas!

Life got busy…

Hubs took yet another new position at work, so he’s been working crazy hours, we had to fire out useless helper, and find a new one. I was anemic and exhausted, with no help (hubs tried, but it’s really hard to be helpful when you’re only getting 6 hours of sleep and working a new job with much more responsibility.)

We’ve now hired a great helper. No one is perfect, but she fits in with our style. She’s very caring with H and she takes direction well. She also knows how to think and pick up on trends in how we do things. We have minor adjustments to make but all in all, she’s the right one for us.

We also went to Poland for Christmas. It was lovely to just spend time as a family. We mostly hung out at our hotel and did insane things like buy a 5 foot live tree to put up in hotel room. The Hyatt in Warsaw was very accommodating. They just sort of saw the crazy glint in hubs eye and decided to go with it, I suppose?

H had a lovely christmas, he favorite gift was probably a with costume that looks fairly close to maleficent from sleeping beauty, but she also got some schleigh horses and a backpack and new clothes, etc. She most enjoyed seeing santa’s (spray snow) footprints on the hotel windowsill. Our tradition of a new country each Christmas is alive and well, and something we really enjoy.

This year we decided to make things a bit more permanent and have set up “Christmas in July” with my family when we head back to show off our babe. Hopefully this can be done in a fun, festive way, and I am really looking forward to planning it.

I imagine we will do something similar with hubs fam, but I’ve yet to get that organized.

I’m now nearly 33 weeks pregnant and discussing plans for delivery with my OB. I can NOT believe I could have a baby in just 4 weeks. I think I’m choosing to ignore that. We have nearly everything we need, though I still need to order some bras, something I completely dread. It’s SO HARD to order bras online, they don’t carry the sizes I need here, and I wasn’t pregnant when I was last in the US, so I didn’t pre buy at my regular store. I need a few to get me through, but I assure you one of my first stops this summer will be the intimacy store on Michigan Ave, so they can send my things out for alterations ASAP.

We unexpectedly coslept with Harriet and have basically decided that is the best solution for us, but we are still figuring out the details of fitting H in on nights when she needs us while not compromising the safety of a newborn. Should be interesting. I actually really do look forward to the time when my whole family can be piled into a bed on a sleepy saturday morning.

I’m impressed with Harriet’s attachment to Polly. She even bats hubs away, saying it’s “her” Polly, etc. I know it will be torturous when it happens, but I really think there’s something already budding there, and I look forward to seeing it grow.

I really DO want to post more, and I suspect being a bit more tied to the house will help with that. I’ve been enjoying the last weeks of relative freedom, though I’ve yet to get a pedicure or a massage, but much needed. Maybe next week…

casual posting no more!

I’ve committed to updating this blog more frequently. Feel free to get on my case if you don’t see at least 2-3 posts a week, but I’m aiming for more.

Updates in note form:

Me – feeling good, except some GI bug I picked up somewhere. Seems to be waning and hopefully that trend continues.

Hubs – work audit this week and next, so he’s not had much downtime. We’re all growing weary of this and we need a break, but our shipment is here from the US (in the harbour somewhere) and we must make room before we can relax.

Harriet – school and the routine have improved, minus yesterday when she also said she had a tummy ache. I didn’t want to risk spreading it, but I think she was more tired than sick. She has trouble starting in the morning but by the time her feet hit the patio, she’s ready for class.

Polliwog – 16 weeks gestation. Still do NOT feel pregnant but slight movement is more frequent now. There’s a possibility we could find out the sex friday, but it will depend on if the OB sees a need for an ultrasound. If not, I’m prepared to wait til the end of October.

Helper – Slow improvements. Still not ideal, but I am REALLY trying to work through things, mainly because I really need SOMEONE to do certain things, and I can have no social life at all (like going to lunches with other pregnant moms) if I don’t have a helper to give me a hand. I think we’ve worked through some big issues, but there will be plenty of whining on my part in this department still to come.

House – Hubs did a LOT the last two weekends to get things going, but we have more yet to do. Hopefully Saturday AM we can tackle more and still enjoy some time together for dinner or whatnot on Saturday night.

So, that’s it for now, but please keep reading. I have some ideas for a few things I am very passionate about coming up, and I hope you will all help me get the word out. No contests or giveaways or voting or anything complicated, just posts from other moms and myself talking about things we care about.

Thanks

Polliwog and School

My polliwog came back with great numbers, risk of Down Syndrome is extremely low. far, far lower than expected for maternal age, so we are quiet relieved. No markers for any trisomies or other abnormalities showed up, and while I can not be 100% certain yet, the back appears fully closed in our DVD.

I have a healthy, wiggly baby that I feel pretty consistently now, though they are still quite small flutters. The absolute best part of being pregnant. I LOVE it.

Harriet started school Thursday. I was scared to death that she would pee all over herself before we even got there. She’s been great at home but isn’t as comfortable elsewhere. Thankfully, she made it the whole day yesterday AND today.

Today, she was exhausted. I had to drag her to school and I sat there for the first 40 minutes. After I left with her blessing, the teacher said she did fine. I came to pick her up and they were still playing outside, so she saw me and absolutely lost her mind. We left soon after (after she finished the last 5 minutes with her class) and came home to a great little nap, which we both so desperately needed.

She’s currently dancing naked with her fuzzy (her little comfort blanket) and a big ball of cuddles all day. Definitely a benefit to a little separation, she seems to like cuddling with me a little more. I was scared it might be the opposite, but at least in this initial stage it seems I get extra love.

I can barely form coherent sentences from the fatigue right now, but tomorrow is Saturday and we will all be enjoying some relaxation.

Just wanted to share our all around good news!

Mini update

I haven’t posted in a while, since we’ve been busy moving and getting ready for school and our new helper started and and and…

Thankfully the local portion of the move is complete. We have every last item from our old place now on our little island/fishing village home. That was far more work than it should have been, even with the movers I downright demanded. I still have about 8 boxes to unpack, but there is nowhere for their unpackedness to go, so they sit, and occasionally I dig through them looking for something. Our kitchen is a joke. We got a microwave two nights ago. We still don’t have a cooktop. Not to mention there is not a single cabinet. The hood needs to be replaced, as it’s as old as the house, I think, which apparently has indoor plumbing as an afterthought. As in the water pipes are outside the walls. It’s interesting, this life. But, it’s incredibly safe here (most of Hong Kong is very safe, especially compared to Chicago and NYC, where I always *felt* safe, but there have been zero violent crimes this calendar year in Lamma, and only a handful of break-ins and minor incidents)

It’s really nice to walk somewhere with H and not have to worry about a car. she can lag 15 feet behind or run ahead. She stays on the path but I don’t have moments of panic at crosswalks, etc. We’ve gotten nearly everything we need for school. She still probably needs a few clothes but she’s been bulking up so I think a growth spurt is coming. I bought her some size 3 dresses, and they are HUGE, but I think they will soon fit nicely. I swear she will be a size 6 girls in high school at this rate.

Our helper is a disaster. I’m hoping to salvage her but she is dumb as a box. She doesn’t understand that 60c is not “cold” by washing standards, she has still not figured out how to work our washing machine, she left WATER IN A BUCKET for about 8 hours one day. I completely lost my shit when I found that. Have you never heard of a drowning? and while, honestly, I’m not THAT concerned about H, I am pregnant. I will have a bay crawling around here sooner than it seems. She put ice in the bottom of a cooler bag. it was 37c out. um. Hot air rises. Cold? notsomuch. Gah! I threw the turkey away. She does not understand when I say do not do ANYTHING or please go for a walk or something when H takes a nap, because until she falls asleep? silence. and I don’t get many naps out of her these days, so if she is going to take one? I am absolutely going to do everything in my power to make it happen.

She also has no sense of time. I think that will be less of an issue when she moves to Lamma. Long story there…
in any case, I’m trying to not just decide right now to can her, but it’s really hard when you repeat the same things over and over. My nurse friends will understand when I say it’s like having a CNA that has no desire to be a nurse.

I’m going to have my NT scan today. I had a huge bout of anxiety the last few days about it, but I’m feeling better right now. My little polliwog let me know that all was well a few times today, so now I am just excited to see him (i think it’s a him but it’s just easier to say him, what with already having a her and not knowing, etc.) and hoping the kid has a 2.5mm or less NT measurement. Not sure when I get the results that calculate the bloodwork in, but I imagine it won’t be long. As long as I know that little number I’m good. I’ll update here and/or twitter after the test!

News and ranting

If you follow me on twitter, you know by now that we are expecting baby number two next spring. We are very excited but haven’t yet made this fully public knowledge. We’ve told our parents and twitter, plus a couple of also-pregnant friends.

Next week I go for my first checkup and provided all is well we will announce on facebook (after calling siblings and grandparents) next weekend.

The fatigue and crazy hormones brought on by this have caused me some trouble, however, so this next segment is a rant.

Harriet never got a baby shower. We got one bouquet of flowers except from a few local friends who came to visit. It still hurts me over 3 years later that our families couldn’t seem to get it together to give us any form of shower. No, we didn’t need the stuff. We are blessed that Hubs has a good job, and quite honestly we make it a point to help others because we have known what it’s like to want and to need. But in my opinion, a baby shower isn’t about needing stuff. It’s about celebrating a baby. It’s about new life and hope and all the good in the world. So why does it hurt me still? Why can’t I just get over it? why does bring pregnant (something we are thrilled about) make me feel this way? I know the issue is mine. Even if they gave a shower for this baby, it wouldn’t help. I’m not asking for any stuff, or a shower. I am asking what do you tell yourself to get over crap like this? How do you move on when you’re freakishly hormonal and it was so painful (even if you think it’s stupid to be hurt over something so dumb as a baby shower…my guess if you think that is that you had one, cheesy though it may have been, but that is not the point)

So, tell me, how do I let go? How do I not cringe a little every tome my family has another baby shower? How do I move on?

Limbo

I’m finding myself again in a dizzy state of double planning. I’m planning both sides of this negotiation. Either we will extend in Hong Kong with our stated terms or we will return to the NYC metro area. I’m honestly hoping to stay, but I’m not willing to do it unless they reasonably meet our requests. I’m quite excited about moving to a more stable, quiet location, but if it doesn’t pan out how we want, I will see the good in returning to the states. Snow, for one thing.

I’ve started to look for apartments, cities, or neighborhoods if we return. And there are benefits to going back too. It’s certainly cheaper to live in the US, food options are more to our tastes, though there is some fabulous stuff here we would really miss.

Staying here, moving to a quieter, slower paced life would benefit all of us. No cars? I don’t have to worry so much about letting H walk a little bit away from me as she’s known to do now that she’s a big girl gaining independence. Sure, that’s inconvenient, but we don’t have a car here, and we have to walk to get a taxi or to the train, so it shouldn’t be that big of a change. taking a ferry to go to central will be different, but probably better than the MTR. There’s less western food, but we can handle that since hubs will be in central for work, walking right past a few stores on the way home.

I just want to know. Limbo is not my friend.

Fathers

There’s been much discussion on the role of fathers in our house lately, and that is not a bad thing.

Hubs is a great dad. He’s fun and loving, he caves when his daughter asks him to “please please please” dance with him at midnight, knowing that the next time she wants to dance at midnight, it may not be with him. He’s also consistent when it matters.

The most important thing in all of this is simply that he is her father. He has a role, a role that we have defined within our family, not by sitting down and deciding who does what, though there has been some of that, but by trial and error and by sheer necessity.

Let me give you a couple of examples, so you get a sense of what goes on in our house. Hubs works long hours. He works hard to provide for our family and because of that, I am able to be a stay at home mom. It’s a decision we came to together, and we believe in the value of a stay at home parent, though clearly we understand that eating is far more important than having a mom or dad at home. Because of this, I’d say many of the day to day responsibilities fall to me.

-I do most diaper changes, but if Harriet’s diaper needs to be changed and daddy is the one who notices, he does it.

-Harriet has a pretty complex skin regimen, and most of that also falls on me, though I am prone to forgetting an item or two for the bedtime routine and end up asking hubs to retrieve them.

-Harriet is a good sleeper, but she’s not a good fall asleeper. Which means that sometimes, we stay up late. Last night, I was up til nearly 3. Because it’s my job. I can count probably less than 10 times in the course of Harriet’s life that I have woken hubs up on a weeknight. On bad weeks, I’ve certainly asked him to take over on weekends so I could get some rest.

-Hubs gives Harriet her medicine every night.

-Before we fall asleep for the night, we alternate trips for water requests, etc.

-Hubs plays “snow horsey” with Harriet (their little game) nearly every night

-Hubs plays with Harriet a LOT on weekends, and he does half (give or take) of the daily stuff, diaper changes, getting dressed, carrying when we go out, etc.

-When I am out for the night or sick, hubs takes over my jobs, just as I take over any of his when he is out or working late.

-When I am out, he parents. He doesn’t babysit.

I find that I am increasingly annoyed at the way moms are looked at as the only parents that count. When making medical decisions, my background as a nurse is something I routinely fall back on, but when things aren’t clear cut in my mind, I always discuss them with hubs. Sometimes, I even discuss whether we should give ibuprofen or teething tabs.

Once, a doctor suggested an immunosuppressant for Harriet’s skin. I was uncomfortable and hubs refused as well. Several months later we agreed to try it, but not more than a week in, we decided together to stop it.

I decided to breastfeed, and being a scientist, hubs of course agreed, but what is more important is that he fully supported me, always making sure i had a snack or a drink or pillows, because it was best for Harriet.

We each have jobs and what this jobs are change and evolve with time and situations, and I am grateful for the setup we have even now, as hubs is resettling a scared Harriet while I finish this post.

It’s a little early for a father’s day post, so please don’t think of this as one. Just think of this as yet another rant about the way we treat dads in our culture. What does fathering look like in your home? Does it break the mold, or does your husband babysit? If he’s more babysitter than parent, what do you believe is the reason for that role definition? Is the way it works in your home something you are happy with?